My mother, her daughter

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Without understanding our relationship with our mothers, it is impossible to heal our broken pieces and recover. We have been taught to repress and deny our emotions. We have to face the truth of our experiences. As girls we were programmed to look at things in a positive light, even when we were living under a shadow. Our self-protecting denial reminded us that we had grown up with a roof over our heads, clothes to wear, and food to eat so what was our problem?

A mother sees her daughter as a reflection and extension of herself rather than as a separate person with her own identity.

She puts pressure on her daughter to act and react in the world and her surroundings in the exact manner that Mom would, rather than in a way that she feels is right for the daughter. Thus, the daughter is always scrambling to find the “right way” to respond to her mother in order to win her love and approval.

A daughter who doesn’t receive validation from her earliest relationship with her mother learns that she has no significance in the world and her efforts have no effect. She tries so hard to make a genuine connection with Mom but fails.

It’s a natural human feeling to long for a mother who loves you absolutely and completely. No daughter want to believe her mother can be callous, dishonest, or selfish. She is certainly discouraged from admitting to negative feelings about her mother. Every woman deserves to feel worthy of love. However, many grow up trying to be the “good girl” and doing the right thing. They believe if they do the right thing, they’ll earn the love and respect they crave.

Your mother does not support your healthy expression of self when it conflicts with her own needs. However, healing comes from understanding and love not blame. Early in life, it is important for children to receive attention, love, and approval, but the approval needs to be for who they are as individuals not for what their parents want them to be.

CITE: Will I Ever Be Good Enough by Karyn McBride, Ph.D.

 

 

Spiritualist

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Weekend spiritualist?

It’s easy to separate our spiritual practice from what we do every day. Many spiritually experienced people compartmentalize their spiritual practice from their everyday lives, lives in which we are expected to be highly efficient, individualized competitors, working and striving for ourselves and our families; spiritual practice saved for an hour or two on the weekends, and thus kept separate from daily life in the real world.

Old pattern spiritualist?

Sometimes old patterns keep us from connecting to people, nature, or pets. Where you bitten by a dog in the past? Lost in the woods? Had your heart broken? Some patterns can be easily observed and changed. Others are more ingrained and require more effort to change. Whichever it is, we must start where we are and understand what is holding us back. Do it now. Clearly observe your attitude and look into the patterns.

Intellectual spiritualist?

The sea is one sea. A change in temperature anywhere affects all. Seven billion of us are sharing the same planet, looking up at the same moon, the same stars, the same sun, living under the same vast sky, breathing in and out the same air. The world is whole and we can experience our universality and connectedness. The more we’re aware of our connection to our earthly home and to our spiritual oneness in all living things, the more we discover our connection to Spirit. It is our true nature calling us home.

Next steps:

  • Show love to those we love.
  • Be less judgmental.
  • Open your heart to more compassion.
  • Create a community with others.
  • Breathe to be aware and more present.
  • Focus on the nonmaterial.
  • Be juicy and alive! 

Cite: Losing the Weight of the World: A Spiritual Diet to Nourish the Soul by Jonathan Kramer, and Diane Dunaway Kramer

 Individualism

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We naturally strive to meet our needs and satisfy our wishes for a rich life. But individualism can be taken too far, making us unhappy by further separating us from our unity with all living things. We can learn to enrich ourselves by growing beyond our individual self to interconnectedness with the One. We cannot separate the earth from the wind and the rain or the trees from the sunlight.

 Everyone has his own territory of self, like

Islands separate from everyone else’s islands.

You’re always trying to protect that island so

Nobody else can take it over. You defend it and

You beautify it as much as possible in order to

Make it the best island around.

  • A H Almas

It can be difficult to realize we are spiritually isolated. Some of us have a connection with God in heaven, but with little else. Many of us have no spiritual connectedness at all. We are almost totally cutoff from a life beyond ourselves. We forget that we are inescapably connected spiritually to all other living things and pulled toward this idea quite naturally. The sugar of individualism fuels a negative cycle. The more we take, the more individualized we become, the more of a separate individual we become, the more we’re disconnected from our spiritual nature.

 Growing beyond our individuality means developing a larger more encompassing perspective that lightens our load. Holy is to be whole.

 

Cite: Losing the Weight of the World: A Spiritual Diet to Nourish the Soul by Jonathan Kramer, and Diane Dunaway Kramer

 12 Purposes in Living

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To survive – Get the bills paid, put the food on the table, avoid being run over, and you get to live for another day.”

To procreate – Where children are, there is the golden age.

To help and protect – “In whatever way we can, we help and protect.”

To heal – “God has endowed mankind with the wisdom to relieve the suffering of his brother and sister. Our life is more worthwhile when we soothe another’s pain and heal another’s wound.”

To love – “Love take’s one neighbor as one’s self.”

To be part of a community – “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country” and “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”

To be happy – “Life is to be lived to the fullest.” We should be open to what life has to offer and find delight in whatever we can. We should let go and enjoy the drama and the circus around us. When we are happy, we are nourished and fed by our good feelings.

To entertain – We can express our talents in the service of giving others enjoyment. Helping others to enjoy life makes life worthwhile.

To teach – “A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” A side benefit is when we teach others, we teach ourselves for we continue to grow and learn when we teach.

To grow – “We are put here to learn and to grow” and “If you’re not busy being born, you’re busy dying.”

To create – “We are the world.” To be creative, we need to create the world as us. The universe becomes created in the individual.

To live a spiritual life – “Make our lives sacred.” If our gift is baking, bake some muffins and take to a senior center. If our gift is being a good parent, think about adopting a child.

When we are living meaningfully and with a sense of mission in life, we have a greater peace of mind. We relax and spirituality comes forward.

 

Cite: Losing the Weight of the World: A Spiritual Diet to Nourish the Soul by Jonathan Kramer, and Diane Dunaway Kramer

Having a Mission

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While meaning most often comes from acts that feel inherently valuable, mission is a goal or a set of goals that is important to us and gives certain acts value that might not otherwise feel valuable. Having a mission that we feel is important provides us with a central focus that makes our lives worthwhile. What we set as our mission comes from what we feel we are meant to do, our reason for being.

Caring out an important goal while using our greatest talents is what we refer to as our calling. Usually our lifelong mission is broken into a series of smaller missions. If helping others live happier, healthier lives is the overriding mission, smaller missions may be getting into and graduating from medical school, followed by getting internships, setting up practice, teaching others, writing books and articles.

By giving meaning to those activities that support our mission, we make our lives meaningful. When we are doing meaningful activities that support an overall mission, we feel great satisfaction that our life is deeply enriched and “nutritious.” Example: Typing may not be meaningful, but when we are typing a paper that is needed to graduate, it becomes meaningful.

My life is my mission.
Gandhi

 

Cite: Losing the Weight of the World: A Spiritual Diet to Nourish the Soul by Jonathan Kramer, and Diane Dunaway Kramer

Lack of Mission

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 Modern people race from one chore and responsibility to another. But we find peace of mind in the midst of this activity when we discover our purpose in living and use it to guide our lives. Meaning is something we don’t generally think about. Perhaps once in a while we’ll stop and sigh and contemplate the universal questions, but then we get caught up again on the tasks and activities of life and forget to think about our purpose and meaning. Lack of meaning and lack of mission in our lives are the heaviest weights we’ll carry.

There are different ways of giving meaning to our lives – doing actions that are an ends themselves and doing acts that feel good even if there is no tangible reward. Some acts are meaningful for many people while some acts are meaningful only for a few people. The more meaning we have in our lives, the happier and contented and complete we’ll feel.

  • Spend more time doing things that are meaningful.
  • Add more meaning to the things you must do.
  • Identify our life’s missions and do activities that support them.

 

Cite: Losing the Weight of the World: A Spiritual Diet to Nourish the Soul by Jonathan Kramer, and Diane Dunaway Kramer

 Unpleasant Emotions

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Unpleasant emotions are often seen as bad feelings. They make us afraid. They embarrass us. They frustrate us. However, properly processing our emotions brings positive power to negative emotions.

Feeling anger can mobilize our energies to confront a danger, as when anger empowers us to leave an abusive relationship. Sadness can heal our pain and enable us to feel kinship with others who have suffered similarly. Crying washes away the oils, salts, and stress hormones produced by intense emotion; tears flush and cleanse our systems. Using uncomfortable emotions in a constructive way creates positive power. To assist we need to

(1) know our feelings

(2) allow ourselves to be present with our emotions

(3) feel the emotion in our body

(4) let it go

(5) be open to the next emotion

With practice, this process can become a natural flow of feeling that allows spirituality to come fully forth by properly digesting emotion through identifying the feeling and seeing its physical and mental effects. Through self-control we can identify and rate our feelings, notice their mental and physical effects, and see through them, knowing that we are more than our feelings.

 

Cite: Losing the Weight of the World: A Spiritual Diet to Nourish the Soul by Jonathan Kramer, and Diane Dunaway Kramer