“To choose one’s attitude in any given circumstances is to choose one’s own way.” – Victor Frankl
Thoughts set intention. Learner questions program us with a positive intention for the right attitude and moves toward an outstanding performance. Whenever feeling yourself going into judger leader, switch lanes by asking yourself:
- What will serve me best right now?
- Am I being honest with myself?
- What do I really need?
- What can I do to feel better that doesn’t include eating?
- Instead of saying who’s to blame, ask what am I responsible for?
Blame keeps us in the past. Responsibility paves the path for a better future. Switching is what makes it possible to change. Switching makes it easier when you follow your A, B, C, and Ds.
- Aware – Am I a judger? Is this working?
- Breathe! – Do I need to step back, pause, and gain perspective?
- Curiosity – What’s really going on? – With me? With others? With the situation?
- Decide – What is my decision? What action do I choose?
Remember Learner begets learner and judger begets judger. We don’t have much control over what happens, but we can choose how we relate to what happens. So, accept the judger and practice the learner. Ask, what do I appreciate about my team? What are the strengths of each one? How can I collaborate with them more productively? How can we stay on the learner path together?
When frustrated with a situation or a person, remember the three primary questions:
- What assumptions am I making?
- How else can I think about this?
- What is the other person thinking, feeling, and wanting?
Cite: Change Your Questions, Change Your Life: 12 Powerful Tools for Leadership, Coaching, and Life by Marilee Adams. Berret-Koehler Publishers, Inc., 2015