Boundaries do not allow you to stop loving. They allow you the freedom to love with responsibility not guilt. Remember the goal of boundaries is love coming from freedom.
- Practice boundary skills by starting small in safe situations.
- Become proactive. Instead of allowing someone else to be in control, figure out what you want to do, set your own course and stick to it.
- Decide what your limits are, what you will allow and what you will not tolerate.
- Define yourself proactively, and you will be ready to maintain your boundaries when the time comes.
- Stay separate from another’s anger. Do not let it be a cue for you to do something. People without boundaries will rescue, seek approval, or get angry themselves. Do not let an out of control person be the cue for you to change your course. Just allow him to be angry and decide for yourself what you need to do. Do not allow the angry person to get you angry. Keep a loving stance while “speaking the truth in love.”
One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop boundaries is a sense of responsibility, frustration, or anger at the subtle and not so subtle violations in your life. Anger is like a fire that shoots up within your heart, letting you know there is a problem to confront. As you begin to set your own boundaries, you’ll be drawn to other boundary lovers – others who can hear “no” without getting critical or hurt or without personalizing it.
Ten laws of boundaries include the laws of
- sowing and reaping
- power (to agree with truth, to turn from evil)
- proactivity (showing people what you love, want, purpose, stand for)
- envy (don’t negate your own life by envying another’s)
- exposure (make your boundaries visible to other and communicate to them.
“An internal no nullifies an external yes. If we say yes when we mean no, that is compliance; the same as lying.