From Dr. Connell Cowan’s book, Women Men Love, Women Men Leave:
Most of the dilemmas we encounter as adults are the result of wounds to our self-confidence that occurred in our younger years. Most of our self-defeating patterns of loving can be modified, altered, even dramatically changed in positive directions.
We create our own dramas in life. Except for childhood experiences, we are responsible for the shape, direction and quality of our relationships. We are not victims of our experiences. We are the writers, producers and directors of them.
In order to feel comfortable being known and loved by another person, you have to accept and love yourself.
When two people choose to become intimate, there are understandable accommodations and compromises that occur. However, when we have a sense of our own boundaries, of our own identities, and of our notion of who we are and what we are entitled to when we are not fearful of bonding or intimacy. Remember, becoming close is a gradual process.
Acceptance is the most important ingredient in bonding between women and men. When we feel another likes what she or he sees when they look at us, our insecurities slowly melt away. We all have the right to expect tolerance for our differences. We are not fused at the hip.
Controlling behavior undermines love. The better, healthier way is to trust. Trusting is a belief and an act of faith. It is not something you manipulate. Let go and tolerate the anxiety.
For a list of Sheila’s books, check out http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B003HWM3PI