Posted in women

Fusion, validation and aliveness

  1. From Dr. Connell Cowan’s book,  Women Men Love, Women Men Leave:

We all want the same thing when it comes to love – someone to share life’s experience with. This quest is motivated by 3 powerful unconscious wishes – the desire for

  1. fusion,
  2. validation, and
  3. aliveness.

Fusion becomes a fantasized solution to feelings of a deficient self especially in times in stress or emotional deprivation.

Validation is the need to feel good about ourselves.

Some people seek aliveness through food, drugs, or drinking instead of relationships or love. Commitment requires courage. Being alive is simply being you. It is trusting and expressing your thoughts and observations.


For a list of Sheila’s books, check out




Dr. Sheila Embry is a govie, author, pracademician, sister, aunt, cousin, and friend who loves to read, write, think, and laugh. Many of her blog postings are summaries or excerpts of books that she read and wants to share to encourage others. An author with more than 25 years experience within the legislative and executive branches of the U. S. federal government holding 3 accredited degrees: Doctor of Management in Organizational Leadership, Master of Arts in Human Resources Development, and Baccalaureate of Business Administration, she believes in continuing learning both on and off the job. She has been recognized with multiple professional and writing awards for her peer-reviewed, publications. Click the bibliography page above for a listing of all the publications.

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