Ask yourself these questions (he can be he or she):
- Does he act with integrity?
- Is he kind and compassionate?
- Is he genuinely empathetic?
- Is he committed to a lifetime of learning and growing?
- Is he capable of genuine empathy?
- Does he work through his pain and problems?
- Does he have his own life separate from yours?
- Are your philosophies and world views similar?
- Does he have a sense of humor?
- Does he have a good heart?
- Does he want to be your best friend and soul mate? Is he capable of doing it?
- Does he add to your soul life as well as your material life?
- Does he bring out the best in you?
- Can he handle ambivalence and shades of gray?
- How does he handle weaknesses and failures – yours? His?
If you have someone that fills most of the above in a positive manner:
- Remember to reciprocate
- Love him for the person he is; not what he can do for you
- Let him know early on that you have trust issues that you are working on; but on working hard on not projecting them on him
- Fight your dependency and codependency needs
- Keep boundaries around your personal space and encourage him to do the same
- Be authentic at all times
- Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually; expect him to do the same
- Be accountable for your own feelings and behavior
CITE: Will I Ever Be Good Enough by Karyn McBride, Ph.D.