Modeling a healthy love relationship is one of the most important things that parents do. However, families with narcissist mothers, usually have invisible fathers. They are basically not seen or heard. The narcissist mother needs to be married to a husband who will allow her to be center of all the action. The fathers are revolving around the mothers like a planet around the sun. To quote one of these daughters,
“Why was I born? I don’t feel pretty. I have low self-esteem. I can’t give myself credit for things. My dad loved me and tried to protect me, but he really couldn’t do it with Mom around. He had to do what she wanted.”
When alone with their fathers, many girls discover that they were able to connect on a deeper level and a different level. They were able to discover their father’s love for them. Even in small doses, these moments were nurturing.
Narcissist families are disconnected emotionally. They appear solid on the exterior, but authentic communication is rare because the parents or at least one parent is focused on herself. She expects her children to react to her needs.
“Put a smile on your face, throw your shoulders back, hold up your head and don’t let the world know that are unhappy.”
Daughters of these mothers are pressured by culture and their family members to maintain the perfect image. Image is what mother wants to send into the world and expects daughter to support it. Most daughters have trouble with this expectation because they can’t carry their mothers’ images of them while they are still developing their own identity.
A young girls absorb how to be a woman, wife, lover, friend, and mother from both her mother and her culture. In order to recover from the emptiness and image-oriented life view, daughters of narcissist mothers have first to learn who they are as people.
CITE: Will I Ever Be Good Enough by Karyn McBride, Ph.D.