All daughters of narcissist mothers give up along the way. They were children, not seasoned warriors when they tried to fulfill their mothers’ expectations. They became overachievers to prove their mothers wrong. They choose polar opposite routes. They took the anger out on themselves becoming a self- saboteur.
The self-saboteur is the high achiever’s internal twin. Rarely does anyone of us make a conscious choice to be self-destructive. If mothers denied her own feelings, then they would not have allowed you their daughters to have any either. As an adult, you can loosen the grip of self-doubt and soften the fallout from the lack of love as a child. Do not be discouraged, recovery is possible.
Self-sabotaging behavior is not a lack of talent or skill, it in an internal struggle within you. You clearly want to do something but your internal messages say you cannot or should not. It is important to know that there are many people who do care about you. Working in recovery will indeed change your life. You can heal.
CITE: Will I Ever Be Good Enough by Karyn McBride, Ph.D.