It is common for daughters of narcissistic to try to fill their emotional void with inappropriate love relationships. They search in all the wrong places for people to validate them. These daughters learn love as distorted love – what they can do for others; this of course, sets up codependent relationships or, no relationship at all. After codependent relationships, many of these daughters decide on no relationship, choosing not to dance the dance at all.
Failed relationships will bring on guilt and shame, with shame being the emotion she feels most. Guilt is associated with an event that can be forgiven, but shame takes on “an all or nothing” quality. The daughter never understands that her “relationship picker” has been damaged by her damaged relationship with her mother; she simply repeats the patterns with relationships with partners over and over again. These failed relationships often cause the daughter to label herself as “damaged” or “damaged goods.”
Daughters of narcissistic mothers choose spouses who cannot fulfill their emotions needs. Their intuition tells them the relationship is not correct for them, but hope blooms inside them overriding the inner voice. They have intellectual intuition but also a deep level of deafness. They just don’t listen, they haven’t learned how to read the red flags. Until these daughters have claimed their own sense of self, she will be frightened by a competent partner who can meet her needs as she can meet hers.
CITE: Will I Ever Be Good Enough by Karyn McBride, Ph.D.