If you had an engulfing mother, you may decide that you will absolutely not being a smothering mother so much so that your child may feel ignored on some level. If you had an ignoring mother, you may decide to give your child so much attention that you end up engulfing him or her. Additionally, overpraising can been seen as fake, causing the child to feel that she or he will never measure up no matter how hard they try to gain your genuine approval. If you do not feel good enough in yourself, you’ll mirror that insecurity to the child, and he or she will end up feeling unworthy as well. Parenting isn’t easy. Being a daughter of a narcissistic mother, makes it even harder.
Daughters who did not receive empathy do not know how to give empathy to their children. Empathy is a very important parenting skill. When someone empathizes with a child, the child feels heard and more real. Healthy self-care means finding fulfillment so that you have energy, love, and empathy for others.
How to self-care?
- Accept your mother’s limitations and grieve that you did not have the mother you wanted
- Separate psychologically from your mother by reframing negative messages that you absorbed into positive one to absorb
- Develop and accept your own identity, feelings, and desires
- Deal with your mother in a different, more healthy manner
- Work to recognize your own narcissistic traits and refuse to pass them along to your children
CITE: Will I Ever Be Good Enough by Karyn McBride, Ph.D.