From last week’s blog, “Depression is so widespread that it is considered the common cold of psychiatric disturbances. Cognitive therapy (thought therapy) is mood modification that you can learn to apply on your own through Understanding, Self-Control, and Prevention & Personal Growth.” Some tools to assist:
- Cope, don’t mope – Recognize automatic, self-critical thoughts and turn them to rational self-defense responses. Example:
- Bob hates me.
- Bob doesn’t hate me, he was unhappy with today’s work product, but just last month gave me accolades in the team meeting for my work on the larger bigger project.
- Procrastination / do nothingness – being stuck because of
- Hopelessness is frozen pain
- Helplessness is victim theology
- Overwhelmed is task magnification
- Jumping to conclusion is I can’t, I would but…
- Self-labeling is inferiorism
- Undervaluing rewards is not experiencing satisfaction…thank you for the award but I really don’t deserve it
- Perfectionism is defeating yourself with inappropriate goals or standards
- Fear of failure is if I fail at this task, I fail at everything
- Fear of success
- Fear of disapproval or criticism
- Coercion /resentment
- Low frustration tolerance (this is mine)
- Guilt which is self-blame
How to fix it? – Learn to endorse yourself by visualizing success, counting what counts, and testing your can’ts.
- When someone is attacking you
- Be empathetic
- Use feedback and negotiation
- Use an anti-heckler technique
- When dealing with anger, cool hot thoughts by
- Imagining other thoughts
- Rewriting the rules (remember Captain Kirk)
- Learn to expect craziness
- Practice enlightened manipulation (just give up the anger, you don’t have to manage it if you just give it up; you don’t have to choose between holding it or letting it go if you don’t create it)
- Practice should reduction
- Practice negotiation strategies
- Compliment what s/he did right
- Disarm by finding a way to agree with him/her
- Clarify your point of view calmly and firmly
- Practice accurate empathy
A final reminder – anger and depressive thoughts are created by your thoughts just like other emotions. Your feelings result from the meaning you give to the event, not the event itself. Thus, cool those thoughts. You are making yourself hurt. Do you want to keep it up?
Cite: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns, M.D.